: Each He Said-She Said column features a question from a reader with responses from a male and female point of view.
If you've got a question about anything related to singleness, please to submit (selected questions will be posted anonymously). It doesn't matter how far along the divorce proceedings are, how "coincidental" the reunion was, or how much you enjoy one another's company, the man is still married.
And because of the dead-end of getting involved with such a man, these women issue the blanket decree: “I will NEVER date that kind of man again.” This is a classic example of how the stereotype may be perfectly valid, but you can’t judge EVERY single person by the stereotype. Absolutely – especially if she just kicked you out of the house two weeks ago for cheating, you’re living on your friend’s couch, and you hope to reconcile.
Hell, you’re even a risk if you’re just out of a divorce and want to “play the field”.
I filed with the court a legal separation and divorce decree at the same time.
My ex-wife and I were physically separated for almost 10 months, mentally separated longer than that.
Ironically enough, if you could take the best of those women and the best of those men, and place them in a big room where they could sit at a table and ask each other questions in person – you’d probably have 4 or 5 new match-ups by the end of the night. All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day.
The problem with online dating is that you can’t see the person’s face when they’re telling you about themselves. I think it’s hard for guys to comprehend the world of online dating from a woman’s perspective. They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world.
However, each person married or not, must find their own peace and joy.
You can’t watch as they smile, and that smile spreads up into their eyes and transforms their face into one of the most beautiful things you’ve ever seen – a thing that warms your heart and makes you realize you want to spend more time with the person. Unfortunately, the reality is nowhere near that fantasy.
To get some insight into what women go through on these dating websites, I pulled aside one of my family members who I knew had spent some time on these sites looking for her future spouse.
My question: Can I, as a Christian, date someone who is separated, with the divorce proceedings in progress but still not through? By dating now, you will be moving ahead of God's plan and will for your life. HE SAID: Continue to encourage her through your words, love, and actions.
SHE SAID: Well, my answer is pretty simple: Is the person married? Is he still married (even though he is separated) and still someone's husband? Include her in your activities, but try not to center on the family or relationship she doesn't have, but rather emphasize those areas where God is allowing her to do things you aren't able to and how she is being used to impact others.